SMC

Single mothers can use this forum to interact with each other about their challenges and joys of having and raising children.
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SMC

Postby Just_Me » Sun Feb 12, 2012 5:04 am

Hi everyone.
Hope you all are doing well, I am planning to get inseminated by summertime next year. I am 28 years old and have no interest in dating or being married right now. I was curious to know how people react to you all upon being told that you plan to have a child by using a sperm donor. I have been open about my choice to do just that because I see no sense in hiding or being ashamed of my choice. Is that a bad thing to be that open? I have been told I should freeze my eggs until I am 35, wait for the right guy or find a guy at random and get pregnant because according to them finding a sperm donor is the equivalent of that.

Besides having no interest in dating or being married I would like to have two children before 40. All of the women in my family have had hysterectomies by the time they were 50. The exception to that is my mother who refuses to have one and would rather go through menopause. Speaking of my mother she did not like the fact that i plan on using a sperm donor but her song quickly changed after I said "EIther you want a grandchild or you don't because this is the only way it is going to happen."

Lastly, I have a wonderful guy in my life who has decided to stick around after my child is born. So in a way you could say in a little while my life is going to become similar to the movie The Backup Plan. Also for what it's worth I am currently interested in donor 2920.

In closing I had a few questions:
For those of you that chose anonymous donors what is the best way to explain to your child that they have a father but just won't ever meet him? (I am stumped on providing an answer for this question)
Does your child look more like you or your donor?
Was it awkward meeting other women who have had children by your donor?
How many times did you try until you got a BFP?



Thank you all for taking the time to read this and I look forward to your responses. Have a wonderful day.
Just_Me
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Sat Jan 21, 2012 6:05 am

Re: SMC

Postby artistat17 » Sun Feb 12, 2012 10:03 pm

I can't address all of your questions b/c I've recently become pregnant. It took me one try on a natural cycle with a trigger shot (for timing purposes). I have no problem with telling those who ask how I conceived. It's the truth and I'm not ashamed of my choice to use a donor or to be a SMBC. I am 24...soon to be 25 in May and I come from an older family. My mother had me in her late 30's and I have an older brother who is 13 yrs older than me with 3 daughters. I made a decision at a young age that I didn't want to be a mother later in life b/c of my personal experience of going through puberty while my mother was going through menopause! lol It was not fun at all! I wanted to have all my kids before 31 so my last baby has to come by 30 and I'm closed for business! My situation is a little different b/c I am a lesbian so there is no man in my future. Nevertheless, I am doing this alone with the support of my immediate family. When people tell you it's the same as getting pregnant by a random...make sure you tell them that a random comes with STD's, genetic problems, and legal issues aka baby daddy drama. That's a negative in my book! As far as anonymous vs open donor...I decided to go with anonymous. The thing about open id donors is that if they move and don't update there contact info...it was a waste...OR they can decide at the time of contact age that they no longer want to have the one phone call/ letter. It doesn't grant a meeting. There are a lot of factors that can take place that would make that open donor anonymous so it just wasn't a deal breaker for me. I plan to tell my child early on that they were donor conceived and create a book of all the donor info for my child to have and reference when they like. It's better than giving them a stack of papers in my book. I am open to finding half sibs of my child(ren) b/c it's there closest connection to the other side that helped create them. Those bonds, I'm sure, will be dear and special to them!

This journey is a special one and our children will know that they were wanted and loved badly bc we went through strides to conceive them. Good luck on your IUI!
artistat17
 
Posts: 67
Joined: Sun Dec 04, 2011 11:56 pm

Re: SMC

Postby jxh732 » Mon Feb 13, 2012 11:02 am

Hi,

I am a SMBC. I'm 34 and have a 15 month old son. While I would love to be in a relationship and get married, I also felt that I didn't need that to have a child. I was ready for a baby and hadn't found the right man yet, so I took matters into my own hands. I figure that there are plenty of single parents out there because of failed relationships so why couldn't I be a single mom too. And this way is so much better than "finding a random guy." A few people had mentioned that to me as well, saying it would be cheaper. Haha. Cheaper up front, maybe. But I don't want to share my baby with some random guy. I agree with artistat17, there is too much risk, both medically and legally, to just find a random guy.

As far as people's reactions to me using a donor? Almost everyone was completely supportive. My mom was nervous for me, but she's a mom and that's her job. Now, she couldn't be happier! She loves him so much. My dad was a little wary, but he's very traditional and doesn't quite understand how I could have a baby with someone that I've never met. All of my friends have been great. Several even say that I did it the smart way, not needing a man.

I got pregnant doing an IUI. No drugs, no ultrasound monitoring. I just used the home ovulation predictor kits for a few months and kept track of my cycle. Then in Feb 2010 I did IUI after a positive OPK. And miraculously, it worked!

I used an open ID donor. I realize that things may not work out, that my son may never be able to get in contact with his donor, but I wanted to give him the chance. I would love to meet any half siblings and their families. I am actually emailing a woman who is TTC using the same donor.

I definitely think my son looks like me. And I have several people say that as well. He does resemble his donor's baby photos, but I think he looks more like me. And maybe it's just because that's what I want, so that's what I see...

Best of luck to you on your TTC journey!
jxh732
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Jan 10, 2012 7:02 am

Re: SMC

Postby Just_Me » Tue Feb 14, 2012 2:00 am

artistat17 wrote:I can't address all of your questions b/c I've recently become pregnant. It took me one try on a natural cycle with a trigger shot (for timing purposes). I have no problem with telling those who ask how I conceived. It's the truth and I'm not ashamed of my choice to use a donor or to be a SMBC. I am 24...soon to be 25 in May and I come from an older family. My mother had me in her late 30's and I have an older brother who is 13 yrs older than me with 3 daughters. I made a decision at a young age that I didn't want to be a mother later in life b/c of my personal experience of going through puberty while my mother was going through menopause! lol It was not fun at all! I wanted to have all my kids before 31 so my last baby has to come by 30 and I'm closed for business! My situation is a little different b/c I am a lesbian so there is no man in my future. Nevertheless, I am doing this alone with the support of my immediate family. When people tell you it's the same as getting pregnant by a random...make sure you tell them that a random comes with STD's, genetic problems, and legal issues aka baby daddy drama. That's a negative in my book! As far as anonymous vs open donor...I decided to go with anonymous. The thing about open id donors is that if they move and don't update there contact info...it was a waste...OR they can decide at the time of contact age that they no longer want to have the one phone call/ letter. It doesn't grant a meeting. There are a lot of factors that can take place that would make that open donor anonymous so it just wasn't a deal breaker for me. I plan to tell my child early on that they were donor conceived and create a book of all the donor info for my child to have and reference when they like. It's better than giving them a stack of papers in my book. I am open to finding half sibs of my child(ren) b/c it's there closest connection to the other side that helped create them. Those bonds, I'm sure, will be dear and special to them!

This journey is a special one and our children will know that they were wanted and loved badly bc we went through strides to conceive them. Good luck on your IUI!



I understand where you are coming from. My baby brother is 16 years younger than I am. I can only imagine what my mother will be like once he is a teenager. Thank you for letting me know that the meeting or phone call to the open id donor is not guaranteed. I thought it was which is why I was a little fixed on using an id options donor. IF I may I would like to borrow your idea of creating a book of all of the donors information. That is a great idea! Thank you.
Just_Me
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Sat Jan 21, 2012 6:05 am

Re: SMC

Postby Just_Me » Tue Feb 14, 2012 2:13 am

jxh732 wrote:Hi,

I am a SMBC. I'm 34 and have a 15 month old son. While I would love to be in a relationship and get married, I also felt that I didn't need that to have a child. I was ready for a baby and hadn't found the right man yet, so I took matters into my own hands. I figure that there are plenty of single parents out there because of failed relationships so why couldn't I be a single mom too. And this way is so much better than "finding a random guy." A few people had mentioned that to me as well, saying it would be cheaper. Haha. Cheaper up front, maybe. But I don't want to share my baby with some random guy. I agree with artistat17, there is too much risk, both medically and legally, to just find a random guy.

As far as people's reactions to me using a donor? Almost everyone was completely supportive. My mom was nervous for me, but she's a mom and that's her job. Now, she couldn't be happier! She loves him so much. My dad was a little wary, but he's very traditional and doesn't quite understand how I could have a baby with someone that I've never met. All of my friends have been great. Several even say that I did it the smart way, not needing a man.

I got pregnant doing an IUI. No drugs, no ultrasound monitoring. I just used the home ovulation predictor kits for a few months and kept track of my cycle. Then in Feb 2010 I did IUI after a positive OPK. And miraculously, it worked!

I used an open ID donor. I realize that things may not work out, that my son may never be able to get in contact with his donor, but I wanted to give him the chance. I would love to meet any half siblings and their families. I am actually emailing a woman who is TTC using the same donor.

I definitely think my son looks like me. And I have several people say that as well. He does resemble his donor's baby photos, but I think he looks more like me. And maybe it's just because that's what I want, so that's what I see...

Best of luck to you on your TTC journey!


I completely agree with you both about the random guy thing. Upon being told that I should find a random guy I could do nothing but stand there with my mouth open. As you all said and I agree it's not worth the effort with all the diseases floating around nowadays and that quite a few people have no idea that they have. Who in their right mind would suggest such a thing?

To me finding my baby's half brothers and sisters will be the fun part. I think it will also be great if their mothers or families and myself can possibly build a support system amongst us.

I wanted to ask you as well as artistat17 about cmv and your donor. DId you make it your point to find out your cmv status and if so did your donors cmv status make a difference?
I am a little on the fence with this one. I did research on it and from what I read some women who were cmv negative found donors who were cmv positive and their babies were fine when they were born.

Thank you as well for replying.
Just_Me
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Sat Jan 21, 2012 6:05 am

Re: SMC

Postby artistat17 » Tue Feb 14, 2012 5:57 pm

Just_Me wrote:
jxh732 wrote:Hi,

I am a SMBC. I'm 34 and have a 15 month old son. While I would love to be in a relationship and get married, I also felt that I didn't need that to have a child. I was ready for a baby and hadn't found the right man yet, so I took matters into my own hands. I figure that there are plenty of single parents out there because of failed relationships so why couldn't I be a single mom too. And this way is so much better than "finding a random guy." A few people had mentioned that to me as well, saying it would be cheaper. Haha. Cheaper up front, maybe. But I don't want to share my baby with some random guy. I agree with artistat17, there is too much risk, both medically and legally, to just find a random guy.

As far as people's reactions to me using a donor? Almost everyone was completely supportive. My mom was nervous for me, but she's a mom and that's her job. Now, she couldn't be happier! She loves him so much. My dad was a little wary, but he's very traditional and doesn't quite understand how I could have a baby with someone that I've never met. All of my friends have been great. Several even say that I did it the smart way, not needing a man.

I got pregnant doing an IUI. No drugs, no ultrasound monitoring. I just used the home ovulation predictor kits for a few months and kept track of my cycle. Then in Feb 2010 I did IUI after a positive OPK. And miraculously, it worked!

I used an open ID donor. I realize that things may not work out, that my son may never be able to get in contact with his donor, but I wanted to give him the chance. I would love to meet any half siblings and their families. I am actually emailing a woman who is TTC using the same donor.

I definitely think my son looks like me. And I have several people say that as well. He does resemble his donor's baby photos, but I think he looks more like me. And maybe it's just because that's what I want, so that's what I see...

Best of luck to you on your TTC journey!


I completely agree with you both about the random guy thing. Upon being told that I should find a random guy I could do nothing but stand there with my mouth open. As you all said and I agree it's not worth the effort with all the diseases floating around nowadays and that quite a few people have no idea that they have. Who in their right mind would suggest such a thing?

To me finding my baby's half brothers and sisters will be the fun part. I think it will also be great if their mothers or families and myself can possibly build a support system amongst us.

I wanted to ask you as well as artistat17 about cmv and your donor. DId you make it your point to find out your cmv status and if so did your donors cmv status make a difference?
I am a little on the fence with this one. I did research on it and from what I read some women who were cmv negative found donors who were cmv positive and their babies were fine when they were born.

Thank you as well for replying.


Feel free to use that idea! I went to an RE and they required testing for several different things including CMV. I was CMV negative and my doctor wanted me to only use a CMV negative donor. She said that the odds of me contracting CMV from the insemination or the baby having health related problems or miscarriage was small...she still didn't believe in taking a chance on something that could've been avoided. My donor was CMV negative b/c of that. I have some women that are in a group I belong to that used a positive donor and things turned out fine for them and some doctors leave it up to the patient and don't think the risk is high enough to be concerned or make a difference...mine just wasn't one of those doctors.
artistat17
 
Posts: 67
Joined: Sun Dec 04, 2011 11:56 pm


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