Single and First Time Trying

Single mothers can use this forum to interact with each other about their challenges and joys of having and raising children.
Forum rules
All users of the CLI Family Forums must abide by the rules posted under "Terms of Use".
CLI Moderators reserve the right to edit or remove any inappropriate or confidential posts.

Single and First Time Trying

Postby grace55 » Sun Feb 27, 2011 9:06 pm

Recently I chose a sperm donor and purchased sperm this week. I will begin IUI in a few months. I am still learning how the IUI process works. I am 34 and have always wanted children but have not found the right person. I am very excited about the idea of having a baby but also very apprehensive. Mainly, due to unsupportive comments from my fmaily (those that know) and knowing that there will be negative comments from friends. I understand that doing this alone is unconventional but I also know that my child will be loved very much. Did anyone experience negative comments from friends or family when they found out you were trying to have a baby as a single mother? Any advice for me as I begin this process?

Thanks! :)
grace55
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Feb 27, 2011 8:57 pm

Re: Single and First Time Trying

Postby kwald64 » Wed Mar 02, 2011 9:41 am

I have not received any bad comments yet. But I did just start talking about it. I told my mom a few days ago and she was kinda quiet but didnt jump down my throat. She did mention that maybe i might want to try dating again before I make that choice but that is the one thing I am pretty possitive about. I dont want to go through all that again. My biggest fear of being judged is that I am self employed so I cannot afford insurance. So my son and I are both on assistance for insurance. I dont honestly feel like people that cant afford children and are on assistance should be pruposly trying for more. At the same time people are always saying if you wait till you can afford children you wont have them. What I tell myself is that I do not take advantage of the system. I am not using WIC and I have turned down food stamps and I am totally willing to pay a premium for the insurance.
anyway that is all beside the point. I have not told my dad yet and he will be the one that has the biggest opinion. Not sure how to bring it up with him. The last time he was here we didnt talk much and there was lots of silence I think because I wanted to talk about it and I was thinking about it but kinda scared. I have also told a couple friends that seem to be excited for me and say do it!

I would like to go through this and compare notes with someone that is also new to it. So please keep me posted to where you are at in the process and how things are going. I am still in the research mode really. I have looked at a couple donors but still havnt figured out where this is going to happen. I would like to try it at home for financial reasons. I have a 7 year old son and I still get regular periods and I can tell when Im ovulating so I hope that I can just do it at home. But im not sure if the clinic can mail me the vials or if i can pick them up. tons of questions!
kwald64
 
Posts: 42
Joined: Wed Mar 02, 2011 8:35 am

Re: Single and First Time Trying

Postby bluesky10 » Wed Mar 02, 2011 1:03 pm

I too am on state assistance. That said, I do pay for my insurance, just at a reduced amount. Here state insurance is for two things, free for those who cant afford it or are preggo, and a reduced fee for those that have an income but the income to expense ratio makes it impossible to get insurance.

That said, if you are going to do this, it would be best to go to a doc. Find out what your insurance covers. Its alot more successful at a doc then trying on your own.
bluesky10
 
Posts: 105
Joined: Sun Nov 07, 2010 6:47 pm

Re: Single and First Time Trying

Postby kwald64 » Wed Mar 02, 2011 1:22 pm

can i call the insurance to see what it covers? im so frustrated. i know going through the dr would be the quickest most successful way. but i have never had a fertility problem. the only reason i am going this route is because i am tired of waiting for mr. right. if i conceived my son naturally isnt it possible that i could do the at home route and be successful. I am also considering the fact that i dont think that i am gonna be able to run to the dr for these proceedures every month. i do have an appt with my dr at the end of the month so i will be able to ask her all my questions and see what she thinks is the smartest way as well.

im not sure where you are from but did your assisted insurance cover anything?

thanks!
kwald64
 
Posts: 42
Joined: Wed Mar 02, 2011 8:35 am

Re: Single and First Time Trying

Postby kwald64 » Wed Mar 02, 2011 1:29 pm

I just called, nothing is covered
kwald64
 
Posts: 42
Joined: Wed Mar 02, 2011 8:35 am

Re: Single and First Time Trying

Postby bluesky10 » Wed Mar 02, 2011 1:41 pm

I am in MN. I am guessing by the name of your insurance you are in WI. I never had insurance there, but I do know once you are preggo you are covered. My sister unfortunatly lives on that insurance.

I did get lucky and my covers anything related to treatment except the actual procedure, the drugs and the sperm. I am not sure if you are close to MN boarder or not but I can recommend a good doc if intrested, and they do a 20% discount if you pay that day. I do most of my stuff at the regular doctor, but do the insemination at their clinic. My partner had one child naturally in 98. She got preggo on her first IUI in 2008.

It took me two tries.
bluesky10
 
Posts: 105
Joined: Sun Nov 07, 2010 6:47 pm

Re: Single and First Time Trying

Postby kwald64 » Wed Mar 02, 2011 2:04 pm

wow you guys have had lots of success that is great! Yes I am in wisconsin and no I cannot come to MN to do any treatments. The biggest thing I was concerned about is that you have to go through child support once you have applied for badger care. I will of course put unknown on the birth certificate and then I think i will be fine but fo sure my pregnancy would be covered and the birth. Wisconsin likes there to be a second party responsible for child support though. and im affraid they might cut me off when they see the unknown
kwald64
 
Posts: 42
Joined: Wed Mar 02, 2011 8:35 am

Re: Single and First Time Trying

Postby bluesky10 » Wed Mar 02, 2011 2:56 pm

When my partner was preggo and about 7 months along she lost her job and had to go on state care. She was jobless for about a year. When the renewal came around and they asked about it all we had to do was provide the information where we got the sperm and that was good enough for them as to why there was no "father" involved.
bluesky10
 
Posts: 105
Joined: Sun Nov 07, 2010 6:47 pm

Re: Single and First Time Trying

Postby kwald64 » Wed Mar 02, 2011 3:44 pm

i think im going to stick with the unknown. since its a different state i just dont know if they will say hey you knew you couldnt afford this so your out. since i know im covered till 60 days after baby is born at least i wont be stuck with hospital expenses
kwald64
 
Posts: 42
Joined: Wed Mar 02, 2011 8:35 am

Re: Single and First Time Trying

Postby grace55 » Wed Mar 16, 2011 5:31 pm

I completed my first round of clomid at 100mg on Saturday. I went for an ultrasound on Tuesday and no follicle dropped so I have to wait until I start my period again. If I don't start by April 1st then I'll use Provera to induce my period. Then the doctor will put me one 150mg Clomid. Hopefully this causes a follicle to drop! i didn't think I would be upset after hearing that the 1st round of clomid didn't work but I was surprised that I wanted to cry. I guess b/c I read all the bad things on the internet about women who never get pregnant. I feel better now and looking forward to April to start this process again.

I looked at 3 different cryobanks for donors-Fairfax, California, and this one. I found that cryogenic laboratories was the cheapest at $395/vial and they offer alot of free things like baby photo, personal profile. Other cryobanks you have to pay to view the baby picture. I went ahead and purchased lifetime photos for the donor that I chose. I had the vials sent straight to the doctor. At first I had no idea how I would narrow down to choose a donor, other than height, hair color, and education, but then I was told by my doctor that I needed to choose a donor with the same RH factor and blood type as me. Once i did this, it narrowed by favorites down to 2 donors.

I mentioned to my mom about a year ago that I was thinking of doing this. She was concerned if the child had medical issues and more financial concerns. she does not know that I have started this process. My plan is to tell her once I am pregnant, if I get pregnant! It is just too much emotion going through this to have to deal with other comments that are not supportive. My mom is a wonderful person and will make a great grandma but all of this is so different then how I were raised in the conservative churches and how my mom grew up. She will love the baby so I will until I'm pregnant to tell her. My brother knows and is somewhat supportive. Friends that know about this tell me to go for it. Some have even offered to babysit!
grace55
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Feb 27, 2011 8:57 pm

Next

Return to Single Mothers

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

cron